Author Topic: Veggie Chilli. My girlfriend. The Mall.  (Read 11392 times)

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Offline GmanJoe

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Veggie Chilli. My girlfriend. The Mall.
« on: February 21, 2001, 09:17:01 AM »
Don\'t ever eat veggie chilli if you plan to be out of the house. Holy gassness.....


I was driving to the mall with my girlfriend one cold night about 3 days before Christmas. The whole trip, my legs felt like it was getting eroded by the gas that was building up within me. Since it was cold, I couldn\'t open the windows and I wasn\'t about to let one loose and cause my girlfriend to have a nose bleed.

Luckily, we got to the mall without any accidental slips. Whew! Well, like we typically do at the mall, we do our seperate shopping so just before she left, she gave me a big, tight hug. I had no idea that she would tickle me at the same time but my sphincter held its ground. "Whew" again!

Well.....\'twas time to find a place to let one go without getting any of the Christmas shoppers\' attention. And man.....it was a packed mall. Not a single safe place to cut some bad cheese. Luckily, an elevator nearby opened and NO ONE WAS INSIDE! (there is a God)! I slipped in and hoped no one would follow. And luckily, no one did. (Thank the Lord!) As the doors slid shut, I let one rip.....and by golly, that fart gave the impression the elevator doors were as rusty as Dracula\'s coffin door!

And what a release of energy that was! Halelleua! I could have filled up one of those car dealer blimps!

Second floor. *ting*

I trotted out of the sauna I just created in that gas chamber. And feeling sorry for any poor soul who went in there, I took a glance back at the elevator to spy on the poor saps who\'d have the unfortunate whiff of my evil spirit that once dwelled in the chasm of my bowels.

And who did I see in there? My girlfriend. I tried to call her name but the door began to slide shut. And just before it did, I could see my girl\'s face get contorted.

Damn.

And to think I fought like the exorcist to keep it in during the whole trip to the mall.
\"Gee,  I dunno.  If I was a chick, I\'d probably want a kiss (or more) from Durst, too.\"--SineSwiper 9/23/03 (from another forum)
Originally posted by Seed_Of_Evil I must admit that the last pic of her ass will be used in my next masturbation. She\'s hot as hell, one of my

Offline CygnusXI

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Veggie Chilli. My girlfriend. The Mall.
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2001, 09:24:47 AM »
Hahaha. That\'s a good story:)

Luckily for me, my wife and I fart in front of eachother all the time. She\'s got me beat in the Burp area, but my anal vapor can kill. Sick, I know...But true love is playing the fart game with your better half:)

As far as gas goes. If I eat french fries. BAM!! I\'m tootin\' like a hyper-active train on crack inside of 15 minutes.

My dogs though....They have even ME beat. If a theif ever comes in my house, I should have my younger dog(Amber) shoot a gas bomb out of her brown bagel and that baddie would pass out cold. We\'ve built up an immunity that brings us just short of unconciousness:)
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Offline politiepet

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Veggie Chilli. My girlfriend. The Mall.
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2001, 09:26:40 AM »
heheheh, now that\'s funny ****, it actually made me laugh out loud! LOL
#RaCeR#:
i hope they all get aids and die they should bnt tbbe having sezx with just anyone they should be in love if theay are foing to have sex not just to make money I htink its wrong for them to just have sexzx for the fun of it specially when some of the performancs are married, its just wrong. tey are givng out deaseases to anyone and its just not right i tell you i think its really really wrong specially when tey have sex i dot whach porno though so im not sure what they do i dont theink theyr realy hjave sex its all just pretendnig but you never no what they do its just wrong speciallly when they dont even love each other its wrong i ell you in tsi just wrong. wtings owting wtrong wtongs wtongs. i dont like it. prlease explaions.

Offline Seed_Of_Evil

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« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2001, 09:28:16 AM »
LOL :D :D funny story
Todas estas cosas se perderán en el tiempo como lágrimas en la lluvia.

Offline unknown

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« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2001, 10:05:02 AM »
omg that was some of the funiest stuff i have ever read in this forum, great story:P
\"So are you going to kill her off?\"
Are you insane! I love her character, she stays.
\"The only thing loves done is put you in this position, I say kill her off!\"
Yeah, but you say a lot of things..
and how does that work....  You\'re a bicycle..

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Offline nO-One

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« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2001, 11:37:59 AM »
Quote
Originally posted by GmanJoe
Well.....\'twas time to find a place to let one go without getting any of the Christmas shoppers\' attention. And man.....it was a packed mall. Not a single safe place to cut some bad cheese. Luckily, an elevator nearby opened and NO ONE WAS INSIDE! (there is a God)! I slipped in and hoped no one would follow. And luckily, no one did. (Thank the Lord!)


You said we would never speak or this again,it was between me,you and the elevator. ;):D
I recently discovered that my ass is the key to the universe.....now I must fight to protect my ass from those who might abuse it!!!

Offline Luke

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« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2001, 11:53:50 AM »
i hate women
Helloski.

Offline nO-One

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« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2001, 12:09:26 PM »
Thanks for sharing.
I recently discovered that my ass is the key to the universe.....now I must fight to protect my ass from those who might abuse it!!!

Offline Aaron

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« Reply #8 on: February 21, 2001, 12:16:56 PM »
Man that was a good story. I got all nervous just reading it because I knew of the inevitable conclusion.

Offline Sublimesjg

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« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2001, 09:12:58 PM »
yea thanks for the great story

yea to getting me going all i need is some grapde nerds - don\'t ask why but when i eat those you better not be in a 500 ft radius or you will regret it

but like i said funny story:laughing:
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Offline Darth Joyda

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« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2001, 11:36:28 PM »
:laughing: That was a GREAT story; interesting and funny! You could become a writer! :laughing:

And Cygnus, your post wasn\'t bad either :D

Well, I\'m a great farter. I could beat you all. If you just let me eat pea-soup first :)

Gasmask required beyond this point!

Ahhh... Try to quess what I just did... Dang, now I\'ll have to suffer in my own smell... God I gotta open a window...
[FONT=\"Impact\"][SIZE=\"4\"][COLOR=\"SlateGray\"]\"If only you could see what I have seen with your eyes\"[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Offline Sublimesjg

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« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2001, 11:50:05 PM »
yea you better open a window or you might just kill youself :laughing:

remember that guy...hahahahah
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Veggie Chilli. My girlfriend. The Mall.
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2001, 12:42:52 PM »
HAHAHHA! That is a classic story! I shall never forget it! :)  One of the best I have heard on the forum!

Offline GmanJoe

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« Reply #13 on: August 25, 2001, 05:09:57 PM »
*bump*
\"Gee,  I dunno.  If I was a chick, I\'d probably want a kiss (or more) from Durst, too.\"--SineSwiper 9/23/03 (from another forum)
Originally posted by Seed_Of_Evil I must admit that the last pic of her ass will be used in my next masturbation. She\'s hot as hell, one of my

Offline nO-One

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« Reply #14 on: August 25, 2001, 05:17:07 PM »
Dude this is an ancient thread.

It belongs with the dinosaurs man.
I recently discovered that my ass is the key to the universe.....now I must fight to protect my ass from those who might abuse it!!!